Bricks and beef curtains

A friend of mine once said "If women didn't have fannies, ye'd chuck bricks at them!". Now, being a lover of the fairer sex, I think that's a tad harsh but I have to admit that most really ain't playing with a full deck. I'm not talking about relationship stuff here (coz even they'll admit they are aff their rocker in that department!) but really just general day to day stuff. Common sense if ye like. It really is evident that it ain't so common.

I was on a bus this morning and as is standard, people got up from their seats, just before the bus stop to form an orderly queue along the aisle, until it is time to get off. Now usually there is some idiot who tries to push forward from the back of the queue whilst muttering "excuse me, this is my stop" but this mornings incident was fucking hilarious. The woman at the back of said queue asked the girl in front if we were approaching Bridge street (hell knows why she couldn't see, as she was wearing thick enough specs) and the girl responded in the affirmative. The bespectacled one then started shouting "Driver, Driiiiiveeeeeeer!!!!!! Can you stop please? Driiiver can you stop please coz I need to get off here?!!!". What in the name of Greek buggery did she think the long queue in front of her was for? Same wi the daft fucks who try to push their way to the front. All queuing to have a swaatch at the lovely driver? Queuing for lottery tickets? A gym and dip session? What? Are people really that daft?

Women in shops is next on the agenda. Picture the scene. You are in the supermarket with a basket or trolley load of groceries. The sales assistant/check-out person or whatever they are called these days scans all the stuff through. Those sensible folks will be ramming the food into a polly bag as the items are scanned. Those not so sensible leave it until everything has been scanned and cause a bit of a tail-back. That's not the end of it though. Why the fuck do women (and it is really only women who do this) then wait until they are told the total cost of their shopping before going "Oh! Wait till I find my purse"? This is normally situated at the bottom of a handbag, or rucksack, which is on a par with Mary poppins bag. It takes them half an hour to find the purse and there's cunts like me stood behind them getting angrier and angrier by the second. Didn't they realise they might have to pay at some point? Did they think the store manager was going to come over and say "Don't you worry about the money love. I'll get it today"? Even if they were shopping in Lidl, which is cheap as chips, it would still cost something.

When I hit the shops I've always got my bag of ginger bottles ready on the counter and I know exactly how many I have. It's not difficult! It's the same on buses (although they don't take gingies). There are signs up which read "have the correct fare ready". I have mine in my hand when boarding the bus. Again, women have theirs in the bottom of their bag and never remember from day to day how much their journey costs. It's £1:35 hen or £1:30 if ye get the sprinter ya lunatic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All that said though, ye've got tae love 'em. I know I do