The perils of settling

We've all seen them. Possibly even been them. The couple in the restaurant or on holiday, sitting with each other and looking like a wet weekend. They've been together for so long that they don't know anything else. They've forgotten what it's like to look lovingly into someone's eyes and know that the person staring back fancies the arse off of you, just as much as you do them. Yet these people plod on miserably for after all, this is the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with. Right?

Now call me crazy or call me a dreamer but I'd like to think the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with would be a person who makes me smile. A person I enjoy spending time with. A person, who although might piss me off from time to time, I still fancy as much now as I did when I met her.

So many times I've heard friends say "but that dies off. There's more too it that that". Indeed, there is more to a relationship than attraction alone but it makes part of the bigger package. It's not just the attraction part though. Some couple's spend forever arguing and bitching about each other but stay together because they've gotten into the habit. Got stuck in a rut and just stayed there.

Well it's surely easier for all us singletons, right? Wrong! Sure we aren't in that horrible position of being stuck with someone we don't love or don't fancy or just plain hate but it's possibly just around the corner. Throughout the years I've seen a few friends go off with people they'd never have considered in the past. People who had the same crazy notions as me, about true love and finding the right person before deciding to spend the rest of your life with them and then one day they start making remarks like "I know I shouldn't just settle but it's very tempting". I don't know if I'm missing the point but I've never been tempted with a life of discontent and unhappiness.

These girls (and it is nearly always girls by the way) seemed to think that because they have reached their 30's they are about to miss the boat. About to be left on the shelf. About to be left at home with no-one to talk to but the 7 cats they've bought for company, as they are so fucking miserable. What's that all about? Is 30 that old? Do you suddenly become less attractive at 30? I can assure you that you certainly do not!

But it's not just about the guys with you women, is it? Your body clock is ticking and you want a kid. You want a kid so badly that you are willing to compromise your happiness and settle for the first guy who shows you a bit of interest. A guy you have nothing in common with. A guy who (you've told me on many occasions) you do not fancy. A guy who, although might be nice, is not the guy for you.

Is this a healthy environment for a kid to be growing up in? A childhood marred by miserable parents arguing and both vying for the kid's affection, as there is certainly no affection left between Mum and Dad. A house, full of resentment and bitterness.
I seem to remember having a happy childhood, with loving parents, who loved each other just as much as they loved their kids. You could see the spark in their eyes when they looked at each other and just knew they were so right for each other. Fair enough, they fought like cat and dog, as most parents do but they always made up and they never let their differences compromise our happiness.

This might all seem to be spiraling out of control but every action has a reaction and things can get out of control. So just remember, before you make that commitment. Before you share that house or walk up that aisle, it's not just your happiness which is at stake but for Fuck sake, make sure your happiness is a priority before it get's to that stage.
I'm rambling now but a few years ago, me and my then girlfriend were not getting on and after 3 years of earache I'd just about had enough. I believe she picked up on this but instead of asking what was wrong she gave me the classic ultimatum. "We can either move in together or split up".

Well kids, I bet you can guess my response? I decided a life of misery wouldn't suit me (quelle surprise?), so here I am today, pouring my thoughts out to you.

Hope you enjoy and take heed!